You know you’re Australian if …

* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

* You think it’s normal to have a leader called Julia.

* You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’.

* You believe the ‘l’ in the word ‘Australia’ is optional.

* You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.’

* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

* You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

* You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.

* You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’.

* You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You’ve also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.

* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

* Beetroot with your Hamburger… Of course.

* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song ‘Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’ And “Living next door to Alice”.

* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

* You wear ugg boots outside the house.

* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off for a pittance.

* You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.

* Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

* You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, While ‘scuse me’ is always polite.

* You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

* You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.

* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ‘Anzac cookies’.

* You still think of Kylie as ‘that girl off Neighbours’.

* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc.

* You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere…no matter where you actually are.

* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

* You’ve only ever used the words – tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet – to mean good. And then you place ‘bloody’ in front of it when you really mean it.

* You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the Salad.

* You say ‘no worries’ quite often, whether you realise it or not.

* You’ve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

* You own a Bond’s chesty. In several different colours.

* You know that some people pronounce Australia like “Straya” and that’s ok.

* And you will have a good sense of humour reading this and will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Have a great Australia Day tomorrow! And let me know what you did.

Rachael 🙂